Holiday Jokes
What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet
What is the difference between the
Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has no L (Noel)
Why did the elf push his
bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.
What Christmas Carol is a favorite of
parents?
Silent Night
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can hoe hoe hoe
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes
What do you get when you cross a snowman
with a vampire?
Frostbite
What kind of bird can write?
A pen-guin
What did the ghost say to Santa Claus?
I'll have a boo Christmas without you.....
Why does Scrooge love
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry
Christmas?
Fleece Navidad
What does a cat on the beach have
in common with Christmas?
Sandy Claws
What do you get if Santa goes down the
chimney when a fire is lit?
Crisp Cringle
What kind of candle burns longer, a red
candle or a green candle?
Neither! Candles always burn shorter
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
He had low elf esteem
What do you call people who are afraid
of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic
What’s white and goes up?
A confused snowflake
What do you call an old snowman?
Water
What do you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow
What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door
What nationality is Santa
Claus?
North Polish
What goes “oh, oh, oh”?
Santa walking backwards
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use – I’ve forgotten my name again!
When
does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary
What do you have in December that’s not in any
other month?
The
letter D
Why is it always cold at Christmas?
Because it’s in Decemberrrr
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy
How does a snowman lose weight?
He waits for the weather to get warmer
Where do snowmen go to dance?
A snow ball
How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
Only one, after that it’s not empty any
more
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsel-itus
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep and crisp and even
What is Santa’s dog called?
Santa Paws
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws
What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a detective?
Santa Clues
What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn’t move?
Santa Pause
How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A merry Christmas to ewe
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop needles
What often falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
Snow
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you can’t beat it
What did
the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Thanks, I'll never part with it
Why is a
burning candle like being thirsty?
Because a little water ends both of them
What did
the big candle say to the little candle?
I'm going out tonight
What
happens to you at Christmas?
Yule be happy
How long
does it take to burn a Christmas candle down?
About a wick
Why do
mummies like Christmas presents?
Because they're wrapped
What did one Christmas Angel say to the other?
Halo there
What is
the most favorite elf pet?
An Elfephant
What do elves do when a fellow elf falls down?
They elf em up.
What do
snowmen eat for dinner?
Ham Br-r-r-r-r-gers
How do snowmen travel?
Icecycles
What happened when the snow girl broke up with the snow boy?
She gave him the cold shoulder
What did the snow girl say to her favorite snow boy?
I love you SNOW much
What sort of ball doesn't bounce?
A snowball
How do snowmen clean their teeth?
Ice Picks
Why do
reindeer wear fur coats?
They look silly in polyester
Why did the reindeer wear black boots?
Because her brown ones were muddy
How long should a reindeers legs be?
Just long enough to reach the ground
Where does Santa hide his gift to Mrs.
Claus?
The Clauset of course
What is
the favorite Christmas story for moose?
A Chrismoose Carol
Why did Scrooge keep a pet lamb?
Because it would say "Ba aa aaaa -Humbug!"
What is the favorite Christmas treat for ducks?
Christmas Quackers
What
do reindeer say before they tell a joke?
This will sleigh you
Where
does Santa go swimming?
The North Pool
On an icicle built for two
Santa's little Elvis!
His sleigh jingles too much
What
do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint Nickel less
Because it soots him
Because he has had his flue shot
What
do you say to a bad puppy at Christmas?
Felix Naughty Dog
What
does Santa like to eat?
A jolly roll
What
happens to women at Christmas time?
They get Santamental
What do you get if you cross a Yule
Log with a duck?
A Fire Quacker
A Holly Davidson
What
do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you
What
do reindeer have that no other animals on earth have?
Baby reindeer
Lost
Missile-Toe
In a snow bank
What
happened when Santa's cat swallowed a ball of yarn?
She had mittens
What
is red and white and goes up and down and up and down?
Santa Claus stuck in an elevator
The hoof prints in the butter
What
is red and white and red and white and red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a hill
Did
you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor
and Gamble?
It's true…Comet cleans sinks
Holly-wood
What
does Frosty the Snowman take when he gets sick?
A chill pill
A North Pole
What
do you call a cow at the North Pole?
An Eski-moo
How
come you never hear anything about the tenth reindeer, Olive?
Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names
